Joys and Struggles of The Working Mom Vs. The Stay-At-Home Mom

Being a mother is indeed one of the most beautiful experiences any woman could ever have-- from that amazing, overwhelming 9 months of realizing that a tiny human is growing each day inside her body until that time she had to endure the painful experience of giving birth to her child.

If money is not an issue, staying at home with the children may be what most moms would choose over working long hours in an office. Well, I am probably just guessing, but that would be a personal preference.

I was a working mom prior to staying at home, I now do freelance writing jobs, but for months, I also experienced the life of the SAHM. Working in the office and staying at home has its perks and struggles (add that I am parenting my child on my own).

I have been hearing and reading a lot of my friends, who are also parents, talk about their situation at the moment.

One would wish of the other person’s situation, but really, there are perks and tears to being a working mom and with being a stay-at-home mom.

There are many joys and struggles to write about, but I will try to write what I have personally experienced or witnessed from my mommy friends.

Let’s talk about working moms first.

PERKS OF THE WORKING MOM:

Momma’s got her own money to spend

Who does not want to be able to do that? Well, she may be splitting utility bills with the hubby, that’s not very uncommon at this time and day anymore. Still, she’s got that money to spare if she decides to get that dream bag or shoes.

She has a lot of say in the decision-making

Working mothers or not, moms are supposed to always have a say at whatever is suitable for the family. But among my friends, it is all too common, that stay at home moms are usually shunned by their partners whenever it comes to deciding what things to buy, how much money needs to be spent on home improvement, which school should the children go to, how much budget there is for food and grocery.

If she has a share with the expenses, she has her voice.

There is a variety of experiences for the working momma class

She gets to meet more people, she can see the world outside, she has people to talk to outside the family who may see things differently.

STRUGGLES OF THE WORKING MOM:

The working-mom-guilt

She may always have that guilt of not being able to be with her kids because she has to be somewhere else. The working mom has a daunting task of managing her family, home, and work. Add that she has deadlines and a boss whose expectations she needs to meet.

Missing milestones

That first walking steps that only the nanny or other family members witnessed is a working mom’s heartache. It’s already miserable that momma did not get to witness some of the essential milestones and to make it worst, she would hear from others the details of how her baby managed to walk his or her first wobbly steps.

What’s in a day’s work?

In the morning, it would be almost impossible to leave home because she needs to make sure all is well and done for the kids and hubby before she even leaves. By the time she reaches home, her body is dead-tired, but she still needs to do her mommy duties. In her heart, she wants to make the perfect dinner, read the kids bedtime stories, help the children with homework or stay up with the hubby for some Netflix, but seriously, who’s got energy for all these?

The sick child

One of the most heartbreaking things for the working mom is when her children are sick. It is not always easy to take the day off work. People also talk about the mom who is always absent from work because she has her “mommy duties” to fulfill. Even if she chooses work, she won’t be able to focus at all, because her heart and mind will always be with her unwell child. Some might even judge her for not staying with the kid. Like c’ mon, what’s a mom got to do?

Wanted nanny

Moms who work will agree with me. The search for the most qualified sitter is sometimes one of the moms’ most tasking job. Moms, especially of the very young, will always be distracted by the thought that there is another person, not her looking after her children. It’s a struggle.

“Me” time

Ugh, what’s that? Need I say more?

You see, it’s a damn-if-you-do; damn-if-you-don’t situation for the working momma. The struggles may outweigh the perks of it, but she only does what she thinks is best for her children and her family.

Now, how about the stay-at-home mom? You would hear some working moms say, “I’d do anything to trade places with a SAHM” or “You must be so lucky staying at home and spending time with your children all day.”

There’s more to a SAHM’s day than just playing with her kids. People think moms who are only at home have it easy every single day. There are benefits and drawbacks, too, for being the parent at home.

PERKS OF THE STAY-AT-HOME MOM:

She is blessed to be with her children all the time

She sees the kids grow through every milestone; she is there every time her kids cry. It is a good feeling to always be able to serve the family. She is present when she is needed. Who would not give anything for that?

She does not have an actual boss

She works her schedules for herself (hopefully accomplishes them all). She is not tied to due dates of some kind, but she still needs to manage her time.

She can cut herself some slack (maybe, not really)

Ok, I do not know how to really explain this as a perk, it looks like it may be, but the SAHM is not really as free as we all might think, so maybe let’s discuss the stay-at-home mom’s struggles.

STRUGGLES OF A STAY-AT-HOME MOM:

She gets asked what she does all day every day

She looks after her kids and the home, that’s one full-time job! People, quit asking! She runs a home. She wears sweatpants every day, and she is expected to stay cool with kids and even teens running around her house, not listening to her every word. That’s what she does.

She is tired, and only a few (maybe nobody) acknowledges that

Because most people think that being just at home is glamorous, people expect the SAHM to be A-Okay all the time. Little do people know that she is tired and she needs rest too. A lot of Stay-at-home moms suffer depressive episodes because nobody acknowledges the fact that they are tired because these moms do not have an actual “job”. A stay-at-home mom has a full-time job-related she has a badass job, people! She makes sure her home stays intact.

The truth is, she can’t cut herself some slack

She just does not have that freedom. It is a perk that she works her own schedule, but whether she finishes all the things that need to be done is another story. My friends, I tell you, she ain’t free.

Becoming a SAHM may cause some mamas an identity crisis

This is especially true for the moms who used to work and transition to becoming at home full-time. She might miss her successes as a career woman. She might be thinking of the contribution she can make for the company or for a business. She also might be pondering on the thought that she may be able to provide financially as well is she still has a job. She may even have thrown her dream to finish a Masters Degree or a Ph.D.

Everything may all be dreamy in the beginning, who would not love to be with the family every day? But there will definitely be a point in time when the SAHM may feel that she is slowly losing her sense of identity and that her only identity is that of a mother who "only" stays at home.

Like the working momma, "Me" time is a rare activity

Because, how can she? She’s lucky if she could find a minute or two alone in the bathroom to do her thing- to the moms of little ones, this is almost an impossibility.

MOTHERHOOD JOYS OUTWEIGH THE STRUGGLES

These struggles may not be the case for everybody, I know of a few who are happily mothering and may be doing well, mainly because they have a husband or a partner who sees their hard work and tries to ease these struggles.

Whether she is a working mom or an at-home mom, she needs all the support her partner can offer. I am a single working-at-home mom, I feel it is a different case altogether.

But whatever circumstance every mother is in, I believe she tries her best to be better every day. Most days she is just trying to keep her head up and above her commitments, whether at work or at home.

She is a mother, and that’s what she needs to be. The world sees her for what she is and not for what she sometimes sees herself- “tired.”

Mothers are often celebrated, another mother's day has passed and the beauty there is in this journey called motherhood has been praised by every single one. That feels so good!

However, there is something about motherhood that is sad and lonely that only mothers alike can mourn. No, I am not complaining. In fact, I am the happiest because I am now a mother for almost 3 years.

Only the brave would admit, but motherhood sorrow is real. But at the end of the day, every mother tries to be a good one. It does not matter whether she chooses to stay at home or work for her family, she puts whatever tiredness, pain, and sadness she feels at the back seat and makes sure she tends to a happy home.

To all the moms, I salute you for all the hard work you put into your lives and your children's. Whatever path you choose, and as difficult as things may be at times, no one situation is permanent, and all shall pass.